“Encouraging Words for Today” December 22, 2011
WHEN CHRISTMAS IS HARD…
by Lucinda Secrest McDowell
It’s virtually impossible to apply eye makeup while your eyes are constantly ‘leaking.’ This Sunday I was preparing for church and couldn’t stop weeping, just a feeling of loss — my first Christmas ever without Daddy. But I had to ‘get it all together’ because not only did we have a houseguest, but I was giving the Morning Prayer in the service. And so I did. Still, all around me were people in pain — many of their stories I know (the woman behind me lost her mother one day recently and her husband the next day) but many I don’t know (a young woman across the meetinghouse kept dabbing her eyes during every Christmas carol.) Reading Christmas letters from friends and family far and wide, I am once again reminded of the tremendous brokeness and pain and despair in the world today.
That’s why it’s so AMAZING that GOD CAME! “The Word became flesh and blood and moved into the neighborhood…” (John 1.14 MSG) This Christ child was also “a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief…” (Isaiah 53) He knows what our lives are like. And that’s why He came, to sit with us in our sorrow, to guide us in our bewilderment, and to give us hope to take the next step. Emmanuel — God with us — is the great good news for all who weep today. And that’s why we truly can rejoice at Christmastime.
Nevertheless, for those to whom the holidays are hard, it’s important to adjust your expectations for celebration this year. I have had to do that — knowing my limits — perhaps you do too. I hope this practical advice will help you as it has helped me during this season:
1. Talk about your feelings! It’s okay to be sad, even when others are not. Opening up with safe and supportive family and friends can be a great way to cope. Also talking with your pastor, a counselor or attending a grief support group can be especially helpful.
2. Make a plan to honor your loved one. There are many ways to do this- anything from watching their favorite Christmas movie, to lighting a candle at the dinner table, to hanging a special ornament on the tree can all help you feel connected to that person. Don’t be afraid to say their name, to reflect on happy holiday memories spent with that person or look at old photos. While those things may often bring tears, they can also bring comfort.
3. Give yourself permission to change your usual traditions. It’s ok to not go out in crowds if that feels overwhelming. It’s ok to skip putting out all the decorations you normally would. It’s ok to cook less. During times of grief, it’s most important to take good care of yourself. Over-scheduling and pressure are especially hard to handle, so eliminate everything that is draining, and make time for comforting and resting.
4. Do spend time with loved ones. While over-scheduling is not good, isolating can lead to depression. Many grieving individuals find it helpful to create a support team of two to three people who call and visit, and whom you can call anytime you need to talk. Often friends and family don’t know how to help when someone is grieving. There are probably several people in your life who have said “If you need anything, let me know.” Ask them to be a support person. Ask them to call you every few days and tell them you might need to call them just to cry or talk.
5. Make sure you are eating and sleeping. We often have trouble with sleep and appetite during times of grief. Melatonin is a supplement used for sleep that can be helpful. Eating several small meals can help if you simply don’t feel hungry. If needed, talk to your doctor about some medication for sleep.
6. Spend time in prayer, reading your Bible and worship. Remember that God cares for you! It’s ok to feel angry with God during grief, but don’t allow that feeling to keep you from Him. God can offer comfort that no other person can. He experienced the loss of His own son Jesus and can empathize with your pain. The Bible says, “God is close to the broken-hearted…” (Psalm 34:18). It also says that “He heals the broken hearted…” (Psalm 147:3)
Remember that there is no way to remove the pain of grief. There is a path to move through the pain however. It is a season that will one day pass as you continue to take good care of yourself and receive comfort from others and God. “Weeping may last for a night, but rejoicing will come in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5)
~ from Debi Russell, BA Pastoral Counselor at Branches Recovery Center, Tennessee
- Christmas Dinner 1970
I miss my Daddy and I wish I could spend Christmas with my Mama who is far away in Georgia, but I also have great comfort and joy in knowing that this year all four of my scattered young adult children will gather with me and their daddy in a cozy home to celebrate the Christ child who not only came to us, but abides with us still… I plan to bask in all that LOVE this Christmas weekend and beyond… This is my prayer for you as well.
“Loving Father, Help us remember the birth of Jesus,that we may share in the song of the angels, the gladness of the shepherds, and worship of the wise men. Close the door of hate and open the door of love all over the world. Let kindness come with every gift and good desires with every greeting. Deliver us from evil by the blessing which Christ brings, and teach us to be merry with clear hearts. May the Christmas morning make us happy to be thy children, and Christmas evening bring us to our beds with grateful thoughts, forgiving and forgiven, for Jesus’ sake. AMEN.” (Robert Louis Stephenson)
Christmas Blessings! Cindy
copyright 2011 Lucinda Secrest McDowell
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God bless you, Cindy. May He comfort you during this difficult time. Merry Christmas to you, Mike and the entire family,